Procrastination at its finest!

Hi, I'm back again! Think I should come here more often? Since I'm pretty sure no one ever comes here anymore... It was abandoned for some time and I admit I don't like expressing my feelings where the public can see. People tend to use my weakness against me... (remembering someone who make my mum worried about me... *glare*)... But anyway, it's over...

So yeah, I'm at office again... This time alone which I find very calming since I finally get my alone time... Hahaha... Oh!!! I watched "Doctor Strange" yesterday night. It was a good movie, had a great laugh. Should really consider watching movie more often, and go for a walk in the park.

Okay. Enough. I'm blurting out all my thoughts randomly and you can see why I usually keep my mouth shut. Thoughts come randomly, bombarding my brain and refuse to settle down. They keep shifting to the left and to the right at a speed no words can described.

Anyway, have to get back to my report. Seems like I need to rewrite to whole bloody report because I wasn't really satisfied with the first draft when I handed to my boss for review. 

- haz -

P.S. I got goose bumps (in a BAD way) reading some of the comments left at the posts I wrote.

Permission to complain....

I'm not sure whether I'm having depression or anxiety... But when I found this, I cried....

You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't makes you better than anyone else. It just makes you miserable.

It's like a slap to my face. Then I ask myself: Why the hell I think that I'm not worthy of happiness? Do I need to prove to someone or prove something to be able to feel happy? What does it mean by "happiness"? Am I not allowed to have it? Have I done something that I feel I'm not worthy to be happy? Why do I need to explain to justify it's okay for me to feel what I'm feeling? 

But yeah... I've been in this situation for a few months and I'm impatient to get out of this rut as my mother called it. What I have plan to do today have not been successful. I wanted to go to the park to take a walk to cleanse my mind but I didn't bother to wake up early... Plan to go get my hair cut but I didn't do that too... Plan to finish the report which was due Monday (the client was not very friendly about the whole postpone thing and say it has been too long - well, she's not wrong)... Well, I'm here writing a post for my blog which I haven't come for like what... 2 years?

.... Momentum has been broken, so I'm leaving. But before I go, let me share with you something I find long time ago and I still find the words charming and depressing at the same time:

在第一次选择坚强的时候, 一定要想清楚: 你是否做好了承受一切的准备. 因为一旦你选择了坚强, 即使只是假装的, 你也必须坚强下去. 因为你曾经的坚强会让人以为即使再大的苦, 你也撑得住.

- haz -