Permission to complain....

I'm not sure whether I'm having depression or anxiety... But when I found this, I cried....

You don't like yourself, but you do admire yourself. It's all you've got, so you cling to it. You're afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special. Being miserable doesn't makes you better than anyone else. It just makes you miserable.

It's like a slap to my face. Then I ask myself: Why the hell I think that I'm not worthy of happiness? Do I need to prove to someone or prove something to be able to feel happy? What does it mean by "happiness"? Am I not allowed to have it? Have I done something that I feel I'm not worthy to be happy? Why do I need to explain to justify it's okay for me to feel what I'm feeling? 

But yeah... I've been in this situation for a few months and I'm impatient to get out of this rut as my mother called it. What I have plan to do today have not been successful. I wanted to go to the park to take a walk to cleanse my mind but I didn't bother to wake up early... Plan to go get my hair cut but I didn't do that too... Plan to finish the report which was due Monday (the client was not very friendly about the whole postpone thing and say it has been too long - well, she's not wrong)... Well, I'm here writing a post for my blog which I haven't come for like what... 2 years?

.... Momentum has been broken, so I'm leaving. But before I go, let me share with you something I find long time ago and I still find the words charming and depressing at the same time:

在第一次选择坚强的时候, 一定要想清楚: 你是否做好了承受一切的准备. 因为一旦你选择了坚强, 即使只是假装的, 你也必须坚强下去. 因为你曾经的坚强会让人以为即使再大的苦, 你也撑得住.

- haz -

谎言与誓言的区别在于，一个听的人当真了，一个说的人当真了

我却是那个听的人。很傻吧？

- haz -

Long time no see!

*blow dust*

Haven been here for so long. The last post was in May 2011. Hahah. There are a lot of things that happened last year. But I guess there are only 2 things that happened changed my life.

Firstly, I got a job in a accounting firm! Yay me! =D I'm pretty content with the job up till now. I wasn't so fond on the job at first as it had not cross my mind that I would be doing tax. This line involves a lot of reading and understanding, which is a pain in the ass. I don't know why I ended up in job that requires me to read and understand. But I guess I was pressured for not having a job after a few months of graduation. So I would just take up any job offered to me. Haha. But it turn out to be great. I love the working environment, the bosses are nice, the seniors are nice and helpful, although most of the seniors who had guide and help me had resigned. It's still a nice place to work in. That's a upside of my year.

I'll keep the second thing to myself. I'm not comfortable in sharing it publicly. Lol. Though some of my friends might know what had happened. Yes? =)

Anyway, the other day, my family and I bought a whole lot of books and stationery for only RM0.70!!! Well, actually they cost RM200. But because of the book voucher my sis had, we only paid RM0.70. =D

Look! And I got the book I wanted to read too! To Kill A Mocking Bird. I heard is a good book. Yet to read it so I cant wait. Although it might take a long time. Lol.

Anyway, I'm having a flu and sore throat. Think I better head to bed. But maybe I should read a chapter before I go to bed? Hmm.

Till next time! =D

-haz-

Fandom

This is what I do when I'm bored and restless.

Being a fan is not easy you know? xD

- haz -